Brat, John and Sergeant Pepper's
By Peter de Vries

Brat Dimpson is a teenage dropout/doper waiting to happen. I mean, what else could he be? Academically he's pitiful, his attitude to any form of authority is anarchic, and he has Nomer as a father. No matter how existential that dude may be/come, his future is ordained.

As is often the case in Sprangfield, a miraculous 'unusual event' occurs which directly effects the Dimpsons. In this latest scenario, it's the arrival of The Beatles. And due to this freak occurrence, Brat's preordained future as a dropout/doper is fast-forwarded by a couple of years. Thanks to none other than John Lennon.

That's right, the man who in the mid-seventies sat in his New York apartment watching Sesame Street with son Sean, while eating heroin from a cereal bowl. What a man to befriend Brat. Which is what happens. Post Beatles gig. Brat being backstage and up too not much good, bored with the Beatles music it's the sort of music only his mother could love.

"Hey Lennon," says Brat. "I thought you were dead. I thought someone shot you.

"Yeah," says John, in that thick Liverpudlian accent (living in New York with Yoko has not changed that accent), that was just a story for the media and fans back in the early eighties. You see, I testified in court that I thought Meryl Streep should never be allowed to act in comedies. Saying something like that was pretty heavy stuff back then - you know, before the world had to endure those terrible comedies she did like She-Devil and Death Becomes Her. So to protect me from the wrath of Hollywood, I was placed in the witness protection program. That's where I met JFK and Elvis. But since Elvis has been sighted sampling cheeseburgers across the country, the FBI decided to let us all loose. You've probably already figured out that Bill Clinton is JFK, anyway. But as for me, I thought I'd cash in on this reunion bonanza that's going on. I mean nothing could be shittier than The Who's reunion tour, what with Townsend now being deaf and their bass player being a fat bastard. So me and the boys - I actually hate them - decided to make a go of it too.

"Thrilling stuff," says Brat

"Shits me too," says Lennon, " but fortunately the FBI and the CIA have provided me with an unlimited supply of mind altering drugs on the condition that I don't shoot my mouth off about Jesus Christ or America's interference with everything that goes on in every country around the world. The rest of the band have gone all vegetarian and STRAIGHT, so I've got piles of stuff left over. So, do you want to try some?" "Don't mind if I do," says Brat "I watch you on TV," says John. "How come in all those episodes that reminisce about Nomer's wasted teenage and early adult years he doesn't seem to do drugs? I find that pretty unbelievable.

"Hey," says Brat. This is American sitcom land you're talking about, man. Even something as moderately radical as our show won't admit that people actually do drugs.

"So I guess this experience won't be going to air," says John.

"Sure it will says Brat. "Only they'll edit out all this drug stuff we're doing and talking about and replace it with me performing fun filled pranks on Ringo. Or Nomer making sarcastic remarks about George's religious beliefs.

Fair enough," says John. "Now this is called LSD. Remember Sergeant Pepper's? "No." says Brat. But he takes a tab and swallows.

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