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Slayer – World Painted Blood
Did I ever tell you about the time Slayer keep me out of a Saudi Arabian jail? I was over there in the eighties selling my soul to commerce and pushing western goods to the sand dwellers, actually it was the Westerner’s kids that were mostly benefiting from all those guilt purchases.
Anyway, our biggest sellers were BMX bikes and obviously I had to ride what we sold so I spent many a night blasting around the port city of Jeddah causing trouble and pushing the boundaries of what was publicly acceptable. A public acceptance, that was tempered by the fact that when the religious police chased me for any one of hundreds of infractions of their stupid laws that I broke with consistency, was the fact they could never catch me. I would just have them chase me down narrow alleyways, turn around and ride past them to freedom while they tried to turn their cars around. The fact that soldiers in jeeps with large machine guns mounted on top were often chasing me never really entered my drug-addled brain. The rush of the escape always outweighed the danger. They also never changed their unsuccessful tactics, so freedom was always mine, until this one time.
On this occasion, I was blasting downtown (figuratively as well as literally) with Slayer’s Reign in Blood assaulting my ears from a cassette player strapped to my chest (I told you this was the eighties). A police car this time gave chase after I had bunny hopped over a chain meant to keep the public off a statue in front of a royal palace. I rode to the peak of the installation and got big air over the top and then rolled down the backside back into the street. The cop car fell in behind me and gave chase.
These guys were more determined than usual and were not easily dropped. I pedaled up to an intersection and had to slow for cross traffic. Unbeknownst to me, one of the cops got out of the car and tried to get me by foot while I was temporarily stopped at the intersection. I saw a small opening between the cars and took off or so I thought. The cop had caught up to me and grabbed the strap holding my Walkman. I was going nowhere.
Then both of the cops grabbed me, threw me to the ground and were loudly yelling at me in Arabic and hitting me as hard as they could with their hats, it kind of hurt. They then tried putting me in the back seat of their police car but I wouldn’t let them without first putting my bike in the boot (it was after all, an exceptionally fine ride). They finally relented and threw my bike in the boot and me in the back seat. We took off to who knows where.
They continued to yell at me until they noticed my Walkman and started to point at it and yell some more. I took the cassette out of it and showed them it wasn’t a camera or spy device. I then gave them the tape and somehow got them to put it in the car’s cassette player. After they did this the most amazing thing happened. As the relentless beats pulverized the car, they turned it up and were getting into it. They then calmed down and started talking to me in a civil manner. I still couldn’t understand a word they said but the tone was far more mellow than a moment before. They actually sounded like they wanted to now be friends. It was a real trip. I somehow communicated to them where I lived and had them drive me home. I then went inside to get the case to give them along with the Slayer tape (it was after all a store bought two-dollar bootleg copy because in Saudi there was no respected for any copyright laws).
While I was gone into my flat, the coppers were left to talk to the guy who looked after the grounds in the compound where I lived. After they had left he told me what the cops had said. They stated that I was completely crazy but that they admired my ability on the bike and until I pulled the crazy move in front of the royal palace were enjoying the spectacle. They had been duty bound to do something in front of the public and had decided to grab me. After their anger had subsided, it seems they found me to be an ok guy and decided to let me go. I think the reality was that the Slayer had scared them and they thought I might be the devil incarnate and their souls were at risk.
So next time you are out doing crazy shit in public make sure to pack some Slayer into the play list and World Painted Blood is a great place to start. From the military drum role start that then dives straight into the onslaught of speed and metal, it’s a thing of savage beauty. For Slayer this time out are confident enough to let individual songs dictate the terms of surrender. Not everything is played at breakneck speed and to these ears those dynamics make the ultra heavy bits that much heavier. Buy it now, as you never know when you might need the help to stay out of jail.
Lapdance Larry
www.slayer.net
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